Asking Thai Teens To Be Creative Is Dangerous

I was told that I would have to give all of my students a speaking test. These tests are always very boring, for me and the students. I decided that I needed to find a way to make it a bit more interesting for both of us. This is what I came up with: Instead of having a boring three minute conversation with them, I would have them pull three questions from a hat and answer them, the questions inside that hat would be written by the students, if they understand and answer the question satisfactorily they would get a good grade.

I thought that this plan was quite foolproof. Well, it was going very well, until I got to my Intensive English Program classes. Their English is much better than the other classes, so the questions were a bit more ....let's say, diverse!

I got the expected questions, like "What would you do if you had a million dollars?" or "Where would you go if you could fly?". But, the reason I am doing this post is because of the questions that I had to pull from the hat. I will give you a David Letterman style Top 10 list of the "best" questions that my students came up with. Remember, these are all real questions submitted my by students.

10) How can I make David Beckham fall in love with me?

9) What would you do if you learned your mother gave you HIV?

8) What do you do when you are alone in your bed at night?

7) What do you do if you make a bad smell on an elevator with someone?

6) How would you feel if you saw your boyfriend having sex with your brother?

5) Would you tell someone if you plugged the toilet with fecal matter?

4) Did you ever accidentally touch a dog's anus, like I did?

3) Did you ever watch your friend have sex from her closet?

2) What would you do with Mr. Brad if you could control his mind?

and the number one question is....

1) When you watch a pornographic move alone, what are your hands doing while you watch the pornographic movie?

Again, I have learned a lesson the hard way. I need to remember to be more strict with my guidelines and more specific with my directions. But, I guess if I did that I would have no good stories to tell. Praise Cletus!

Drawbacks To Living In Monkey City, Thailand

Friday December 14, 2007, Pibul Wittiyalai School was invaded. It wasn't invaded by Muslim extremists or psychotic gun-wielding maniacs...it was invaded by a monkey.

Lopburi is known all over Thailand as the monkey city, because the entire downtown is ruled by monkeys. Sadly for me, my school is downtown.

Normally, the monkeys may come on to the school grounds and forage through the trash cans, but one crossed the line yesterday.

The monkey came in to the teacher's office, sat on a conference table, and started eating grapes. The Thai teachers did not seem too concerned about this. They scared it off and went back to their work. I guess that having to chase a monkey out of your office is not a big deal for them.

I hate those f*@$ing monkeys! If you walk by them on the street in the downtown area, they will steal your bag or camera, whatever they can grab. One of my students was put in to intensive care back in June after she was attacked by a gang of monkeys.

Like I said in the title, drawbacks of living in Monkey City, Thailand. Praise Cletus!

RESPECT OUR AUTHORITAHH!!!!!

I found this picture on Mihaila's facebook page, and thought that it might make a good blog post. This picture was taken a few months ago on teachers day.

The basic premise is that students make little sculptures out of flowers and then present them to teachers. They lined up the foreigners (i'm the one at the far end), we sit in chairs, then the students come up to us, sit on the ground and bow, then present us with the flowers. I'm sure to an outsider that sounds "awe, they are so respectful!!", and yes, they are. Sadly, that respect only lasts until the end of the 60 minute ceremony, then most of them return to their normal little bastardly ways.

But, it does make one feel like a big shot, having students bow on the ground in front of you. So, it is a good confidence builder, even if it is a little creepy at the same time. Praise Cletus!

Its Winter Festival Time

It is the time of year in Lopburi, Thailand when the city shuts down, and everyone moves to Pibul Wittiyallai School for a winter celebration. Since this is the school where I teach, it means that I get all of next week off.

But, the winter festival has other perks too! I think that the real reason they all converge into one small area is that they want to use their body heat to keep each other warm. Even though we are in Thailand, it can still get quite cool at night in December.

Tobie has moved his entire bar to the festival. But, sadly for him, all of the other bars in town have also moved there. Last night was the first night of the festival, and Tobie did not have many customers. Well, it was just Hannah and me. Not quite what Tobie was hoping for, but hopefully things will pick up tonight.

We think that we may have scared away all of the possible customers. We sat there in the middle of the bar and stared at all of the Thai people walking by. Maybe they thought that if they came into the bar, we would continue to stare. But, we had no choice, there is nothing else to do. The music is so loud that it is not possible to have a conversation.

We asked Tobie why he thought there were no customers and he blamed it on the layout of the tables. I dunno. I guess the place wasn't feng shui enough. The tables and chairs must have been giving off evil vibes.

Anyway, we will be back tonight. We are keeping our fingers crossed that there will be more people. The two of us can only entertain each other for so long. Praise Cletus!