Asking Thai Teens To Be Creative Is Dangerous

I was told that I would have to give all of my students a speaking test. These tests are always very boring, for me and the students. I decided that I needed to find a way to make it a bit more interesting for both of us. This is what I came up with: Instead of having a boring three minute conversation with them, I would have them pull three questions from a hat and answer them, the questions inside that hat would be written by the students, if they understand and answer the question satisfactorily they would get a good grade.

I thought that this plan was quite foolproof. Well, it was going very well, until I got to my Intensive English Program classes. Their English is much better than the other classes, so the questions were a bit more ....let's say, diverse!

I got the expected questions, like "What would you do if you had a million dollars?" or "Where would you go if you could fly?". But, the reason I am doing this post is because of the questions that I had to pull from the hat. I will give you a David Letterman style Top 10 list of the "best" questions that my students came up with. Remember, these are all real questions submitted my by students.

10) How can I make David Beckham fall in love with me?

9) What would you do if you learned your mother gave you HIV?

8) What do you do when you are alone in your bed at night?

7) What do you do if you make a bad smell on an elevator with someone?

6) How would you feel if you saw your boyfriend having sex with your brother?

5) Would you tell someone if you plugged the toilet with fecal matter?

4) Did you ever accidentally touch a dog's anus, like I did?

3) Did you ever watch your friend have sex from her closet?

2) What would you do with Mr. Brad if you could control his mind?

and the number one question is....

1) When you watch a pornographic move alone, what are your hands doing while you watch the pornographic movie?

Again, I have learned a lesson the hard way. I need to remember to be more strict with my guidelines and more specific with my directions. But, I guess if I did that I would have no good stories to tell. Praise Cletus!