Sunday, February 15, 2009
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Ah, it's that time of year again. The time of year when winter is finally beginning to fade away, there is a hint of spring in the air, and every mismatched pair of losers that happen to be currently 'shacked up' together can celebrate the fact that they are not alone.
I am not bitter. I have no problem with Valentine's Day itself. It's the people. It's the people that really get to me. "Gee, Doris, it be Valentine Day. Better throw on yer good t-shirt and jeans and we can head on over to the Legion and get shit-faced. Oh yeah, can you wear those crotchless panties I got ya for mudder's day?" Yeah, that kind of thing.
The celebration of love should be an everyday occurance and not just once a year. By taking part in this artarded holiday you are perpetuating the stereotype that everybody sucks! I know that love is totally necessary. Love is like a toll-bridge. It is annoying, it slows you down, it mucks up your plans, and we all have to go through one eventually.
Some old dude named Erich Segal said, "True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. " I think that this says it all. You can be happily in love, or whatever sort of situation you have going, and not do it with all of the bells and whistles. I know that I am not alone in saying that public displays of affection are not cool. They are blatant cries for attention. "Look at me! I am in love! I have someone!". Pathetic!!!
Well, that about sums up my Valentine's rant. But don't be disappointed, Easter is just around the corner and we all know how much I love those Christians!
I know negativity isn't the answer, I got it wrong on purpose.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Since moving to Thailand I have been constantly learning new things. I have been discovering a different culture and different types of people here in this land of near psychotic, gun toting, bi-polar, cheating lovely people. Today I would like to focus on the different ways that my vocabulary has been expanding. This is mainly due to spending so much time with the English, Australians, Irish and Americans.
Here are a few examples of my new favourite words:
bogan: person who takes little pride in his appearance, spends his days slacking and drinking beer. I learned this word from Natalie. It is a popular Aussie slang word that is basically the same as white trash.
chav: mainly derogatory slang term in the United Kingdom for a subcultural stereotype fixated on fashions such as imitation gold, poorly made jewellry and fake designer clothing(often Burberry), combined with elements of working class British street fashion.
ginger: this word is pronounced like "singer" but with a hard 'g'. Like minger, this is a derogatory term for a person with Gingervitus: red hair, light skin, freckles and no soul. It is the same as ginger, pronounced like the spice, but sayin g the other way makes it much more offensive.
dirty sanchez: a disgusting sexual act. It involves the anus, feces, penis, and upper lip. I don't want to go in to detail about how the dirty sanches is done, but I will tell you that it ends with a woman having a moustache drawn on her upper lip with doo-doo on the end of a penis.
slag: one of my favourite words. From the U.K., it is used for a woman that has casual sex with many partners. Slag stands for "She'll Lay Any Guy".
That is the end of my vocab lesson for today, I must get to class now.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I Love Pig
Thai men are known to be sweet-talkers. But as one Australian girl discovered, some just cannot master that fine art. For confidentiality, lets call her.... Matalie.
After meeting randomly and being carted off to a karaoke establishment she decided that this was not the place for her. She returned to her hotel room without incident and quickly passed out.
Then there was a knock at the door. Without giving it much thought, Matalie opened up to see her Thai admirer standing there. I should also mention that he is a soldier and has a gun.
He professed his love for her there in the hallway. Then he said "I love pig!" Matalie did not immediately understand until he put his hands at his side to show the width of a lady that is most pleasing to him, and he repeated "I love pig!" He was clearly calling her a pig, but he meant it as a term of endearment.
He tried to enter the room, but Matalie managed to get him out and close the door.
Not long after there was another knock at the door. Of course Matalie knew exactly what was waiting on the other side, so she decided to ingnore it. Too bad for her, this guy was not giving up. He was going to get his 'pig' come Hell or high water. He continued to knock on the door for more than an hour. A steady knock....knock...knock...knock...
Eventually he did go away, but poor Matalie will never be able to erase that night from her mind.
While listening to a live band with Tara and Yasmine, I also received a bit of unwanted attention. It was from a 'special' boy sitting at the table behind us. This guy was very 'special'. He had a huge head, the first sign of problems. His nose and eyes were very crooked, much like Sloth from the Goonies. He had all of his teeth, but unfortunately they were all crammed to one side of his mouth. And perhaps the biggest giveaway was that he could not stop drooling.
I am sure that his friends thought that they were being nice by taking him out of the house for a few hours and letting him have a drink or two, but if they are going to do this then they must take responsibility for him. They cannot allow him to just go around the restaurant and hug everyone...they hug sooo tight!
Eventually one of the friends realized that I was beginning to lose my patience with Corky, so they tried to drag him away. But within 30 seconds he was back at our table saying "you, you, you" and tapping on my arm. When I was about to bash his skull the friend came back and finally took him home.
There's Something About Paulie
During the winter festival Paul engaged in bedroom liasons with someone we will call Sybill. They had an okay time, but things became complicated when Paul was introduced to Sybill's friend, which we will call Hormel. What was never brought to Paul's attention was that Sybill and Hormel were more than friends, they were actually a couple. After he bagged both of them, Sybill returned to Paul's pleasuredome for a reinactment of previous events, but Sybill had other plans. While Paul was in the toilet, Sybill deleted Hormels's number from Paul's phone. Well, time goes by, seasons change, and Paul regularly sees Sybill and Hormel in his nightly activities. Hormel always tries to chat with Paul, but Sybill quickly pulls on the chain and draws Hormel back.
Things became quite heated last weekend when Hormel was caught conversing with Paul. Sybill immediately grabbed Hormel and took him to a corner. While in the corner Sybill unleashed quite the verbal lashing on poor Hormel. Hormel left the bar sobbing.
A few hours later after Paul returned to his room there was a knock at the door. It was Sybill! Sybill demanded to see Hormel, confident that he was hiding somewhere in Paul's room. Paul had to show Sybill every nook and cranny of the room to prove to Sybill that Hormel was not in the room.
Paul will soon be killed.
Me Love You So Long Time Forever
When there is an election in Thailand, all bars are closed. Poor Brad and Paul were so bored on Saturday night that they resorted to driving around looking for anyplace that may bend the law a little bit and let them have a good time.
The only place that they found was a karaoke bar. After being there for about 20 minutes, the waiter handed Brad a folded piece of paper and pointed to two women on the other side of the bar. He opened it, and it read "I need you so much". This was very forward, even for a Thai person. The two ladies then invited themselves to the boy's table and to the boy's whiskey. It was obvious that they were prostitutes, and it was also obvious that Brad and Paul wanted them to go away, but they did not. Nothing else really interesting to tell here.
This Is My Rifle....This Is My Gun
Romy also experienced a bit of the Thai crazies. She was dating a Thai soldier. They enjoyed a few weeks of fun, but Romy decided to end it. He did not accept this. There was a constant barrage of phone calls and text messages. I love you, I need you, I miss you. The usual. He even sent her his bank information with his account balance to try and entice her in to taking him back. But, the creepiness really began when he sent her a text message saying." This is my rifle...I am nothing without my rifle!" . Hearing that from a derranged Thai person is not Christmas.
I Don't Repeat Gossip, So Listen Closely!
I enjoyed a fun filled weekend in Nakhon Ratchasima with a lovely Thai named...( what was Glen Close's character's name in Fatal Attraction?) let's say, Ezmerelda.
My relationship with Ezmerelda lasted all of a week. As soon as I began to back away Ezmerelda became more and more needy. Saying things like, "I miss you so much, please call me!". It all came to a head with this text message: "If you do not answer my calls I am going to suicide myself!". Well, I don't respond well to threats, so I didn't answer. Ezmerelda didn't suicide. It is more than two years later, and Ezmerelda is still calling.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
This is Chris, Melodie, Thomas and Danny. I don't really have a story for this picture because I don't remember it being taken.
This is what happens when Brad is given a camera. I thought that they wanted me to take a picture of the penguin.