We Are Siamese If You Please...We Are Siamese And We Will Kill You!

I Love Pig


Thai men are known to be sweet-talkers. But as one Australian girl discovered, some just cannot master that fine art. For confidentiality, lets call her.... Matalie.

After meeting randomly and being carted off to a karaoke establishment she decided that this was not the place for her. She returned to her hotel room without incident and quickly passed out.

Then there was a knock at the door. Without giving it much thought, Matalie opened up to see her Thai admirer standing there. I should also mention that he is a soldier and has a gun.

He professed his love for her there in the hallway. Then he said "I love pig!" Matalie did not immediately understand until he put his hands at his side to show the width of a lady that is most pleasing to him, and he repeated "I love pig!" He was clearly calling her a pig, but he meant it as a term of endearment.

He tried to enter the room, but Matalie managed to get him out and close the door.

Not long after there was another knock at the door. Of course Matalie knew exactly what was waiting on the other side, so she decided to ingnore it. Too bad for her, this guy was not giving up. He was going to get his 'pig' come Hell or high water. He continued to knock on the door for more than an hour. A steady knock....knock...knock...knock...

Eventually he did go away, but poor Matalie will never be able to erase that night from her mind.



That's Retarded!!

While listening to a live band with Tara and Yasmine, I also received a bit of unwanted attention. It was from a 'special' boy sitting at the table behind us. This guy was very 'special'. He had a huge head, the first sign of problems. His nose and eyes were very crooked, much like Sloth from the Goonies. He had all of his teeth, but unfortunately they were all crammed to one side of his mouth. And perhaps the biggest giveaway was that he could not stop drooling.

I am sure that his friends thought that they were being nice by taking him out of the house for a few hours and letting him have a drink or two, but if they are going to do this then they must take responsibility for him. They cannot allow him to just go around the restaurant and hug everyone...they hug sooo tight!

Eventually one of the friends realized that I was beginning to lose my patience with Corky, so they tried to drag him away. But within 30 seconds he was back at our table saying "you, you, you" and tapping on my arm. When I was about to bash his skull the friend came back and finally took him home.


There's Something About Paulie

During the winter festival Paul engaged in bedroom liasons with someone we will call Sybill. They had an okay time, but things became complicated when Paul was introduced to Sybill's friend, which we will call Hormel. What was never brought to Paul's attention was that Sybill and Hormel were more than friends, they were actually a couple. After he bagged both of them, Sybill returned to Paul's pleasuredome for a reinactment of previous events, but Sybill had other plans. While Paul was in the toilet, Sybill deleted Hormels's number from Paul's phone. Well, time goes by, seasons change, and Paul regularly sees Sybill and Hormel in his nightly activities. Hormel always tries to chat with Paul, but Sybill quickly pulls on the chain and draws Hormel back.

Things became quite heated last weekend when Hormel was caught conversing with Paul. Sybill immediately grabbed Hormel and took him to a corner. While in the corner Sybill unleashed quite the verbal lashing on poor Hormel. Hormel left the bar sobbing.
A few hours later after Paul returned to his room there was a knock at the door. It was Sybill! Sybill demanded to see Hormel, confident that he was hiding somewhere in Paul's room. Paul had to show Sybill every nook and cranny of the room to prove to Sybill that Hormel was not in the room.
Paul will soon be killed.


Me Love You So Long Time Forever

When there is an election in Thailand, all bars are closed. Poor Brad and Paul were so bored on Saturday night that they resorted to driving around looking for anyplace that may bend the law a little bit and let them have a good time.

The only place that they found was a karaoke bar. After being there for about 20 minutes, the waiter handed Brad a folded piece of paper and pointed to two women on the other side of the bar. He opened it, and it read "I need you so much". This was very forward, even for a Thai person. The two ladies then invited themselves to the boy's table and to the boy's whiskey. It was obvious that they were prostitutes, and it was also obvious that Brad and Paul wanted them to go away, but they did not. Nothing else really interesting to tell here.


This Is My Rifle....This Is My Gun

Romy also experienced a bit of the Thai crazies. She was dating a Thai soldier. They enjoyed a few weeks of fun, but Romy decided to end it. He did not accept this. There was a constant barrage of phone calls and text messages. I love you, I need you, I miss you. The usual. He even sent her his bank information with his account balance to try and entice her in to taking him back. But, the creepiness really began when he sent her a text message saying." This is my rifle...I am nothing without my rifle!" . Hearing that from a derranged Thai person is not Christmas.

I Don't Repeat Gossip, So Listen Closely!

I enjoyed a fun filled weekend in Nakhon Ratchasima with a lovely Thai named...( what was Glen Close's character's name in Fatal Attraction?) let's say, Ezmerelda.
My relationship with Ezmerelda lasted all of a week. As soon as I began to back away Ezmerelda became more and more needy. Saying things like, "I miss you so much, please call me!". It all came to a head with this text message: "If you do not answer my calls I am going to suicide myself!". Well, I don't respond well to threats, so I didn't answer. Ezmerelda didn't suicide. It is more than two years later, and Ezmerelda is still calling.