My Issues With Thailand (Updated)

I have now been in Siam, the land of smiles, for almost three years. For the most part it has been an amazing experience and I love this country, but I do have some problems with the kingdom that I would like to address now. I want everyone back home to know that I do love it here, but it would make me feel better to bitch for a while. I am going to do a top 10 list of my biggest annoyances.

10) Colour-Coded Clothing: Thai people think that it is totally normal for everyone to wear the same colour each day of the week. Monday was yellow King shirt day. Wednesday was provincial colour day, Thursday was traditional Thai wear day and Friday was blue Queen shirt day. This was annoying enough, but recently the King's sister passed away, so for the next 100 days, everyone in the country must wear black. I own one black shirt, and I do not plan to buy more black shirts. So, teachers and students are welcome to think that I am a skag for wearing the same shirt everyday. I don't care, I've had enough! Baaaaa!

9) The Powers That Be: Thailand claims to be a democratic country. Thats about all I want to say on the matter, because I don't want the Thai government to ban my blog.

8) Asian Drivers: Everyone in the west has heard of the streotype that Asians are terrible drivers. Well, judging from Thailand, it's true. They all drive like Mr. Magoo on crack.

7) Sexual Ambiguity: You never know who you are talking to. Is this woman really a man? Is this straight man really gay? Is this man really a woman? These are the questions that you must constanly ask yourself in Thailand.

6) The Smell: Thailand stinks! It is to be expected, since dumpsters sit in the unbearable heat for days. But, for a country that depends on tourists to survive, something needs to be done about that smell.

5) The Dogs: Thailand has a terrible dog problem. They are everywhere. Some of them are missing limbs, or have no hair. When you ask a Thai person why nothing is being done about the dog situation, they tell you it is because Thailand is a Buddhist country. Buddhists can't kill other animals. What the Feck? They would rather watch these stray animals suffer and starve to death than just put them out of their misery. Another unanswerable question in Thailand.

4) Making Friends, Losing Friends: One of the best things about Thailand is the great assortment of great friends that I have made. Sadly, they usually only hang around for a few months, then we are condemned to a lifetime of facebook friendship.( That's your future, Paul!)

3) Thai Teacher/Farang Teacher Competition: Many Thai teachers really like having foreigners around to help them and the students improve their English, but others are much less happy having us here. They think that we are threatening their jobs, which we are. They have been teaching english for their entire careers, even though many of them can't speak English themselves. The battle is on bitches!

2) Thai Music and Television: Awful!! I do enjoy Thai music that is more western influenced. But, traditional Thai music is so terrible!! It is whiney and shrill, and all sounds the same. I don't even want to go in to how terrible the Thai television shows are.

1) I Love You: For some reason, Thai people think that is perfectly normal to say I Love You to anyone at any time. If every person in this country that said I Love You to me was telling the truth, I would be the most loved man in the world. The problem that arises from this, is that you never know if they are telling the truth. I Love You can mean: I like you, I want money from you, I want to have sex with you, or in rare cases it can mean I Love You.